Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
