Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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