I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
