so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
