Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
