I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
