Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
