I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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