with your own penis?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
