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North Korea, Best Korea!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
