at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
