A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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