Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
