he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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