Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
