I wanna passion pit in your ass
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
