My first STD was from a foam party
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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