Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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