It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
