I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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