So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
