i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
