my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
