Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
