I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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