I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
