Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
