Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There's always time for handjobs
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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