I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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