My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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