I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
