went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
