So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
