They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He has the fingertips of a God
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