And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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