maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
