I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
