I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
