i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
