____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
