I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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