Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
