theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
