i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
