The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
