I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
