I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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