i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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