I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize