I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
