i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
