You smell like a Billy Joel song
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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