hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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