I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
