drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
