Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
