hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
