On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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