i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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