Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
