Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just google imaged poop.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
