dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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