When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
