You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
