mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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