I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
