I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
