I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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