the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
