the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
